I love to help. I love to receive help. I used to not be as open to receiving help as I am now. I suppose I also wasn’t as open to giving help as I am now, if I really look at it. I have always considered myself a giver. I gave until it hurt. I would give even when I did so begrudgingly. I realize now that I was giving to “get.” I liked to give but deep down I kept score on what I would get back and from whom. I also often refused the very people who cared to give to me. I guess I thought there was some kind of balance sheet in their heads. Because there sure was in mine. And I always wanted to be on the heavy positive side of that balance sheet. I never wanted to owe anyone anything.
Accepting gifts, praise, money, you name it, was difficult for me. I would often subtly or outright refuse it. I once had a knockdown, literally, over the dinner check. We were laughing so hard but my friend actually chased me across the restaurant to wrestle it from me. Once on the ground, I finally let her pay. I remember thinking at the time, man, I cannot believe that she would go to those lengths. Well, obviously, my habitual refusal was the catalyst for such lengths! I didn’t realize that accepting graciously is also a gift and refusing a genuine offer is rejection. I hadn’t considered that I was robbing others of the joy of giving to me. I understood the joy of giving, because I experienced it when I gave. But I hadn’t thought it through regarding the other side of the equation.
Now I go to give. Period. There is no score whatsoever. I know that I will be more than taken care of when I just give openly and receive openly. It may not be from the same source but I am always blessed, whether giving or receiving. I love to receive with love, gratitude and thanksgiving and I love to give with love, gratitude and thanksgiving. Whether giving or receiving, I bless the other party and they bless me. It is perfect harmony.
